Lets celebrate the joy of Gratitude!

It’s that time of year again; leaves dance and swoon as they land gracefully-red, yellow, orange, brown, all over our town. These colorful arrangements mark the beginning of the changing of the seasons as Grandma bake goodies for one specific reason. As parents gather around to watch the Macy’s Parade, children dash through the snow on red toboggans-as others toss snow to learn how Snowman’s are made. As Uncle Dave and Dad watch the football game, we remember why we’re gathered at Grandma’s to observe a specific season by name!

Thanksgiving is indeed a cherished holiday and a time for reflection on our blessings and an opportunity to instill values of gratitude, giving and togetherness in our children.

Each year, I embrace the opportunity to share Thanksgiving with my best friend, her husband and their wonderful children. I enjoy the endearing moments when the children share with eagerness and enthusiasm the things for which they are most grateful for. Last year, my friend’s seven year old son Jake said “The two kittens we adopted that summer topped my gratitude list, because we rescued those kittens,” he said, a sentiment that touched the hearts of friends and family alike.

While we celebrate and enjoy these precious moments with friends and loved ones, this may not be a reality for many families going through high-conflict custody situations. When children can only spend Thanksgiving with one parent, it can have various emotional and Psychological conflicts on them with potential long-term impact. Some potential impact includes:

• Emotional Stress: Children may experience stress, anxiety, or sadness about not being able to spend time with both parents during a holiday associated with family togetherness.
• Loyalty Conflict: Children may feel torn between parents and may experience an emotional conflict associated with feelings of loyalty toward the absent parent, fearing that they are favoring one parent over the other.
• Longing for Normalcy: Thanksgiving often symbolizes a sense of tradition and family unity. Children may long for a more “normal” holiday experience with both parents present.
• Disruption of routine: The disruption of routine can be unsettling, as children might be accustomed to spending special occasions with both parents and this sudden change can be distressing.
• Impact on relationships: High-Conflict situations can lead to children associating negative emotions with holidays which may affect their ability to enjoy future celebrations.

Most importantly, parents and caregivers should communicate openly to prioritize their children’s well-being and consider alternatives like shared holidays or cooperative celebrations to minimize the emotional distress on the child. These magical memories can positively impact our children to help them be happy adults leading successful lives.

There’s no doubt that things in life can be complicated. But there are ways to minimize or even altogether exclude the long-term emotional hurt by focusing on what is in the best interest of the child. 

From the Queen of Visitations - Ilene Fletcher and the staff of Family Visitation Services. 

We take this time to reflect on our blessings of having the gift to serve our families on an ongoing basis. Providing supervised visitation to instill values of gratitude to make a difference in the lives of the families we serve in these challenging times of high-conflict custody.

Happy Thanksgiving!